The Psychic Parrot
by AnimaBaya
Summary: Feury brings in a parrot one day, and all hell broke loose for Roy Mustang, why? Read it! Rated T for perverted Colonels, and other disturbing stuff. [one shot]


I'm taking a big step here. To anyone who read 'In Memory' you guys might understand. To anyone who doesn't, read it and you'll understand what I'm talking about.

Inspired by an adult joke book I read when I was nine years old. -gasp- I know, a kid reading an adult book, but hey! You can't blame a kid for sneaking into their aunt's room and pick the stupid book up!

Don't worry! This fic has a rating of T it's not going to be that sick. (Maybe I'll try putting a really gross one, one of these days . . . yeah right and get kicked out of this site!)

Now please enjoy the story born from my insanity and boredom, and my confused nine-year-old self after reading that cursed book!

**Disclaimer**: still I do not own Full metal Alchemist, or that adult joke book (like I'd want to own it!)

* * *

**The Psychic Parrot**

"You brought a parrot." Said Havoc. "Last time; a puppy; now a parrot."

Feury was carrying, you could say hugging, a vertically long dome-shaped cage, inside it was a very cute looking parrot; it had silky white feathers, cream-colored wings, a beautiful sun colored feathered crowns perched on top of its head. Its beauty caught the attention of Havoc, Falman, and Roy (who was trying to escape work.).

"Where did you get that parrot?" asked Falman, peeking through the cage's metal bars.

"I bought it from a pet store last night!" said Feury. "The owner told me that Megan here has a special gift, that's why I brought her here."

"So what's its gift?" asked Havoc.

"White, white, white!" the parrot named Megan squawked.

"It can speak!" squealed Feury.

"Wow. It speaks how interesting." Said Havoc, his voice full of sarcasm.

"What does 'white' mean?" asked Roy.

"I have no idea. She was saying the same thing last night." Replied Feury.

"Interesting . . . "

The office doors suddenly bursts open and Hawkeye entered the room, rather exasperated. Seeing the Colonel with his little procrastinating group, she stormed toward them scowling.

"Colonel, return to your work right now!"

"Pink!"

Riza stared at the parrot rather taken aback by the sudden squawk.

"Feury, is this yours?" Feury nodded.

"White, white, white, pink!"

"Could you please keep it under controlled? I do not want it disturbing anyone."

"Yes, ma'am."

* * *

Roy Mustang was thinking of the parrot the whole day, _what did it mean by white? Then why did it say pink the time Hawkeye entered?_ The whole thing boggles him that he couldn't even concentrate the whole day. _Does it talk about our favorite color? No, Hawkeye does not like pink. Darn it! What is that thing talking about!_

The thought suddenly hit him. _The parrot's predicting our underwear! _

He finally figured it out; white because of the men's briefs; and pink because of Hawkeye's panty! Trying to see if his theory is correct, he looked at the First Lieutenant.

"Lieutenant?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Is your underwear pink?"

Roy Mustang got a well earned slap on the face.

(No one should say that, right?)

* * *

To try out Mustang's theory without getting injured, he just borrowed the parrot from Feury, and tested it out on some other person, certainly not female. 

_Whom should I use as guinea pig?_ Mustang thought to himself.

"Loin cloth! Blue boxers!" the parrot squawked. _What the heck?_

"Good afternoon, Colonel Mustang. Are you out for a break?" Roy looked up and saw a huge suit of armor looking back at him; Roy was very sure that just behind that armor is his little older brother.

"Good morning Alphonse, Full metal." ,Mustang greeted back.

"What a pretty parrot!", squealed Al looking at the 'psychic' parrot.

"Yours, Mustang?", asked Ed, coming out form behind his littler brother.

"No, it's not mine", said Roy "its Feury's"

"Loin-cloth! blue boxers!"

"What the he–" Ed looked taken aback, blushing madly.

Roy smirked, "So, Full metal, boxers or briefs?"

"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS PERVERT!" the blushing alchemist said, and stormed away leaving his little brother confused.

"But I'm wearing a loin-cloth, Ed's wearing boxers...how did it know that?"

"It's psychic, I guess."

* * *

Roy took advantage of the rest of his break walking around headquarters with the 'psychic' parrot, A.K.A. passing by every female soldier so the parrot would predict their 'secret'. He got surprised expressions from some women, but some had a more furious reaction, because sometimes the bird would predict the whole thing. For example: 

_Roy carrying the parrot: ..._

_A woman passes by_

_Parrot: Pink Frilly Panty!_

The woman was furious and did a Riza Hawkeye and slapped him in the face.

Another example:

_Roy with the parrot: ..._

_A group of women passes by_

_Parrot: Yellow, pink, white, lacy panties!_

_Women: Girls, pepper spray!_

Final Example:

_Roy with parrot: ..._

_Nuns pass by..._

_Parrot turns away and squawks: Wrinkly! (Nuns don't kill me)_

Poor Mustang didn't get a chance to run away...

* * *

"Ow... that hurts" said the perverted Colonel trying to nurse his bruised and abused body. 

"Thong, thong!" the parrot was squawking.

"Shut up, Megan."

"Thong!"

It took Roy Mustang to realize that Major Armstrong just passed by.

"Megan, I think we should head back now..." said a very disturbed, bruised, abused, and perverted Colonel.

* * *

"Feury." said Roy when he got back. "I'm giving your parrot back." 

"Thank you, Sir!" said the ultra happy, Feury. "Has she been a good girl?"

"More or less."

"What's wrong with your face?"

"I hit my face on something."

"Sorry to hear that."

"Now if could excuse me, Feury. I'm going back to work."

"Good luck with that, Sir!"

Roy started to leave, feeling happy to get away from the parrot. He looked behind him and saw Feury cooing to the parrot.

"So, Megan what did you and the Colonel did today?"

"Nothing!"

"Nothing? Why nothing? You seem to be very happy."

"Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!"

"What do you mean by nothing?"

Roy went back to his office, and thought about what the parrot meant about 'nothing'.

Hesat down and beganhis work again.

And it hit him.

He just realized that he wasn't wearing any underwear.

* * *

In other words the parrot knows that Roy wasn't wearing anything, but it was just to polite to say it. 

This is my first attempt at writing humor. So be nice.

I have nothing else to say except for:

**This fic will self destruct if you do not press that button down there and write a comment.**


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